When I started connecting with my boyfriend he lived away in Burnaby. Only a two-hour ferry ride and a bit of driving separated us. For the longest time, we were only accustomed to the long-distance ways. However, he then came back home for the Summer. We took advantage of that time and spent every second possible together. Although you make tons of memories, the downfall is when they have to leave again. This time, he was not only leaving off the island to the mainland, he was moving a whole province away. Now, this might not seem like a big deal because only a quick flight and an uber separates us now. This is true… but many other factors make seeing each other much more difficult. Our schedules are a complete mess. We are both full-time students and I work on top of it. Not to mention the financial constraints of being students. When flights are $400 round trip, a quick weekend visit makes you rethink things.
The adjustment to him leaving has been anything but easy. I’ve felt lonely, spent sleepless night and no matter how much long distance love I was getting, it just wasn’t filling the void of having him here.
I overall wasn’t feeling like myself. For a while, I wished that he had never come home at all because I wouldn’t be feeling this way if he hadn’t. It wasn’t until I started going through all my photos, remembering all the memories we made and how much closer we became in those three months of being together full time, that I accepted the new distance between us.
Here is a couple of the little tricks we use to make the time apart easier:
Communication: We live in a lucky world where we have so many resources to bridge the geographical gaps between our loved ones. All I can say is use these resources to KEEP THE COMMUNICATION GOING! Even something as simple as a good morning text message can make all the difference. We like to use FaceTime, even if we study while on it together, or having nightly talks.
Know your phone plan. Don’t get stuck with hefty phone bills. Know what your plan includes and work with it. Many plans, like mine, have unlimited calling after 6pm and weekends, which can be a huge saviour for those long chats.
The Future: As scary as it may seem at first, talking about the future makes long distance easier. It lets you know that the distance is temporary and gives you both goals to work towards. Stay within your comfort zone of what kind of topics to touch on that relate to the future but don’t feel like you shouldn’t talk about it at all.
Time Gap: We are lucky because we only have a one-hour time gap. That being said, scheduling things can sometimes be a pain. “Did he want to FaceTime at 9 my time or his?”. Remember to clarify this and set aside reasonable amounts of time that work for both of you to chat.
Be Sensitive: Just because you are feeling secure and happy with how the long distance relationship is working, doesn’t mean your partner is. Check in with them and be there if they aren’t feeling great. Highs and lows happen and they are going to need your help along the way.
When it’s you feeling a little off, don’t be afraid to say something. Voice how you feel and if the relationship is strong and mature enough, you will be able to talk through it and solve any issues.
Trust: People constantly ask about how trust plays into long distance. My answer has always been if you don’t trust them you shouldn’t be with them. If you find yourself social media stalking them or keeping yourself up at night thinking about what they may be doing and who they are doing it with, that relationship needs some work. Be with someone who you are confident in and who you trust will do the right thing.
Remember The Little Things: Those “how was your day?”, “I love you” and “I appreciate you” statements go so far. They are small but meaningful.